Peeling off the old layers

I feel that I have been guided into the choices and mindsets I have had lately.  I've been able to see both sides to any choice I make and feel that my strength and will have been tested.  The choices have kind of just been thoughts or feelings that randomly cross my mind and catch my attention.   They really feel out of the blue sometimes.   


Reflecting over my distant past and even my recent past, I have seen the choices I have made and how they directly affect who I am now.  I used to hold on to my past as if it were some kind of trophy or reminder to make sure that I don't let the past repeat itself.  But lately, I've realized how much of a burden that is.  How can I grow with all these layers of memories and actions weighing me down?  How can I find who I am and who I want to be when I'm suffocated by who I was and who I've outgrown?


 With that visual in mind, I picture myself peeling off all the complex layers of myself to find out who ((simply)) is me.  Who is the person behind the teacher? the wife?  the daughter, sister the DJ, the Tae Kwon Do master and etc.?  I didn't realize how many layers I had wrapped around my being until I wanted to shed some light and let go.  I let go of all the people who have hurt me and forgave them.  I let go of all the moments in my childhood where I was yelled at, hurt or manipulated.  I let go of all the times I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw no matter what size I was.  I let go of all the failed attempts for a family.  I let go of all the wrong doings I either received or did.  I let go of our financial woes.  I let go of all the hurtful things I have said to those I love.  I let go of all the people who no longer matter.


So now here I am, stripped of all these layers.  I am exposed.  I am free. 


I am trying to define my purpose because it feels as though it is changing.  I see how far I have come in my actions, words,  reactions, feelings and reflections.  I feel I have finally stepped over to a more spiritual enlightenment view.  I have opened my mind and heart to allow in whatever I need to get the most out of my life.  


No more..."one of these days...."  No more.."oh back in the day when things were good"  No more...."I wish."  


It's time to live in the now.  I need to seize the day.  I need to make every day count.  


And I will.