The journey begins.....

It has been a challenge filled past couple of months when it comes to creating a family.  Assistance given was not enough so we are now taking the next big step.  Never in my life would I have thought that I would in one of those situations where I would have to pay a lot of money for a miracle.  However, that is in my life plan.  Jon and I have gone through quite a bit to get to this point. 

I'm very anxious and excited about the whole thing.  I am relieved that we were able to get a loan and a credit card to pay for the procedure.  The procedure itself is going to be very intense and I hope that in the end all the pain and time will produce a positive pregnancy test.  The procedure is quite intense with tons of syringes full of medicine, minor surgery for retrieval and a lot of wait time. 

I hope that my body cooperates with all the medications and when my eggs are fertilized with Jon's sperm that they grow like they are supposed to....and lastly I hope that the embryo once transfered finds a home and stays for 9 months. 

Jon and I have wanted a child for a long time.  It is crazy to think that after all this time, we are finally going to get our baby.  I'm staying as optimistic as possible because I don't want to think about the "what if it doesn't work" part of it all.  The success rate percentage is high at 60-70% so that makes hope glimmer a lot brighter than doubt.  During our IUIs, we only had 6% chance that they would work and we did that 6 times spending a total of $4,000 over the last 3 years. 

I am going to really need to get a handle on my mind so that I get the rest I need and keep the optimism needed throughout this process.  This will be a true test on many levels - I know that I can do this and I will face this head on.  Many fears will be faced and a lot of trust goes into Jon and the medical team helping with our IVF.  I need to keep my faith alive and take each day at a time. 

I struggle with seeing everything all at once which makes it conpletely overwhelming.  I really just need to stop, think about the next thing to come and take it step by step.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.