Yesterday was the first day that I completely had a meltdown about Thursday. I am so unsure with all the signals and things what the outcome is going to be. I went to acupuncture and she said that she was 100% positive that I am pregnant with how my pulses felt and some other things that she did.
I took a pregnancy test this morning after advice from a friend to help prepare for Thursday since I will find out the results at work. Of course, the lovely "not pregnant" reading came across it. I read online on many message boards of women who had a negative reading on a HPT but got a positive beta test.
I guess I can mentally prepare for the worst and hope for a surprise. It does pain me to know that there is that chance that once again, the opportunity for my own child has slipped through my fingers, but I knew that chance was there prior to getting into this.
Kali said that with every attempt, I have to put everything I have into it. All the eggs have to go in that basket even if it is just for that moment. She said there is always more eggs if this doesn't work. She also said I needed to tell my ego to shut up because it was getting in the way of my heart. She said why do you think a uterus has blood in it because it's linked to your heart. I really hope that Kali is right about all of this and my HPT was just hokey.
It ain't over til it's over. I'll find out tomorrow.
You have to start focusing your thoughts in a more positive direction. ALWAYS focus them in this direction. Whatever thoughts you emit to the Universe in return the Universe will give you just that. Tell yourself that you will get pregnant. Has a doctor told you that you can't? Most likely not if you are trying. Thinking this way will not cause harm. Plant positive thoughts in your head, so there will be no room for negative ones. Negative ones don't help you. They don't give you the motivation to want to try hard. You want to try, but try hard by thinking positively. You can do this. I know you can.
ReplyDeleteSweetie. I do have positive thoughts. This experience has been 100 times better than last summer when we went through the original IVF process. I still have hope, but I also have the right to be a hot mess because I NEED to FEEL and not feel guilty for feeling what I feel. It's ok to be scared of getting hurt again and it's ok to be happy that everything may just in fact work...I'm doing ok. Just using my blog as a way to sort through all the emotions.
ReplyDeleteI get my answer tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. :)
Sending you all of my positive thoughts and love and light :) *Hug*
ReplyDelete