Emotional roller coaster!!

I like to look at myself as a tough girl.  Ya know, one that can face a lot of challenges and handle them with strength.  When I was younger, the only emotion that felt constant was anger - that was viewed as toughness from those around me.  Thankfully, over the years, my husband, family and friends have helped me feel more than just anger.  We have had a whole world of emotions and challenges that we have lived through and live to tell the tale. :)

As each day gets closer to finding out whether I am a mommy or not, my emotions have become more intense.  I would like to place full blame on the raging hormones from all the injections I've been getting lately, but I'm sure there is more to it than that.  The anticipation of it all and my lack of patience has made waiting difficult - as I knew it would.  This has been such a long journey and it is so close to my heart.  It's something that Jon and I have wanted for years and here we are - further than we have ever been.  A friend of mine said that all of my tears could be part of the healing process and my body getting ready for the wonderful adventure to come.  (I'm getting teary-eyed as I type this right now.) 

Jon has full belief that this has worked and that I am pregnant.  He has been a keen observer throughout this adventure of my mannerisms, actions and things that I have said in the past.  He feels that I am acting completely different than how I have when I've thought I was pregnant before.  His observations do carry merit since he knows me better than anyone.  I've been trying not to guard my heart as much because I believe I am too -and I hope that I am right.

Fear has such an easy way of getting in the way of hope.  There is no reason why this IVF would not have worked.  We've done everything we were supposed to and everything has gone in our favor.  I have been text book perfect throughout this whole process.  There is no reason for it to not continue the same pattern.  I just want this so badly.  I have never wanted anything as much as I want a child. 

I'm tired, worn out, exhausted, you name it.  This summer has been so regimented, so emotionally draining (all for the best), so quick yet so long............  I am ready for all this hard work to show some pay off.  I am unable to get a grip on my emotions once they start to swing and I am hoping that is how it's supposed to be and I haven't officially lost my mind for the 100th time.