Felt fear for the first time in a long time!

This is my arch nemesis.  That is the injection that I will be getting every day in my behind area for the next 4-8 weeks.  Last night was the first night that I actually felt fear.  Uncontrollable crying, shaking, shortness of breath, nausea, the whole nine.  I saw the needle and burst into tears.  For some reason in my mind, it took me back to when I was a young kid when I would have the "screams".  It took me a while to get close to Jon because I became hysterical.   

I stood up, bracing myself against the wall, trying to stay as still as I could...whimpering...I had to remember to breath or I probably would have passed out. 

The shot itself really didn't hurt, but I was so worked up that poor Jon probably couldn't tell the difference.  I made sure to say that it didn't hurt and this wasn't him - it was my adrenaline and fear coming out.  I broke in a huge sweat and it took 20 minutes for me to calm down.  I was exhausted.  I DID IT THOUGH!!! 

Now that I have that out of my system, I think I should be able to handle the rest of them because I know how they are going to feel.  I faced my fear.  I did it.  I knew I had to.  I want this baby more than anything in the world. 

Tomorrow morning is the egg retrieval.  I'll be there at 8 am, procedure at 9 am.  It'll only take about 20 minutes and then I have recovery time.  I can't believe it's here already!!!  I am so excited.  I have had day dreams of holding my baby, showing him/her off to everyone - it's becoming more real than anything!!!

Here is a diagram of what they will be doing.  I was going to upload this onto FB but didn't want to gross anyone out.  LOL.  I figured the ones that read this blog are able to handle my details. :)

I will be pretty much knocked out during this process.  They will use a sonogram wand to be able to see each egg.  If you look on top, you'll see the needle that will be used to drain my follicles and retrieve my eggs.  As of now I have 12-15 eggs that they will retrieve, it could be more by the morning.  I will know the exact number of eggs retrieved after my procedure.  I won't know until Tues. or Wed. how many are now embryos are growing.  :)